Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Monkeys hanging out at bars- politically incorrect playground

So N Dawg, as he now seriously wants to be called, told me he did not want to go to the super cool park that we were driving to. When I asked why, he said because it was a two-arm park. I totally poo-pooed that nonsense, until a friend asked me later if I told him to just go faster over the monkey bars…
Ouch- good point. Maybe the cool park was a bit challenging for one-armed N Dawg. We should stick to the park without panoramic monkey bars for a while. Oh, by the way, they are now known as horizontal ladders, so as to avoid offending monkeys- no joke, horizontal ladders.
Posted by everydayjill in 14:23:04 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Don’t bother me, I’m drooling…

My kids have glimpsed heaven, and they are never going back to normalcy again. By heaven, I mean the chocolate shakes from Carl’s Jr.
I shamelessly bribed them with artery-clogging shakes from a fast food place so that I could go work out in peace (I know, I know, the irony is simply overwhelming, so forgive me). We were leaving the Y, saw a friend, and he told us to forget the shakes from Arby’s or McD’s, and go straight to Big C’s.

Blech. Those disgustingeightpattydrippingsaucefrenchfried onionringfriedegghamburger having, testosterone-oozing, cholesterol-raising, nasty commercials had always made me give a REALLY wide berth to Carl’s Jr. The kids latched on to his expert advice, though, so off we went. The whole testosterone thing was confirmed when I saw seven or eight trucks and SUV’s, with nary a hybrid in sight. We went through the drive-thru, and when we got to the window, I swear I heard angels with harps. Then, through the window and the bright light, the hand of Go..I mean John, doled out the most ginormous chocolatey shakes ever espied by  my kiddos. N gasped, G cheered and John laughed out loud. These things had six inches of perfect, mountainous whipped cream on top of the chocolate goodness. So beautiful that both of my angels actually thanked me before we drove off into the sunset. Did not share with me, mind you, but thanked me nonetheless. I was so in awe of the ginormous things, that I promptly drove off without my woefully underwhelming unsweetened iced tea.

Posted by everydayjill in 03:30:20 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Rockin’ animal-dawg

So, confession time. The kids and I were running into the big city today (yes, we actually say that, so we are officially country), and I was not paying attention to the radio. Suddenly, G asked me if this was rap. THIS being Eminem, that lyrical poet of rap, of course. So I said yes, and managed to quickly change the station. She asked who the rapper was, and I said it was Eminem and Nate Dawg together. That was the end of that, or so I thought.
Several hours later, we were driving home, and G was commenting on how rock stars always have cool names, like Sheryl CROW or Joan JETT, Keb Mo and Madonna. N very nonchalantly said “Yeah, like me- N Rock.”

“What???”

“You can call me N Rock or N Dawg. Really N Animal is best though…”

Alrighty, one arm. You dawg, you.

Posted by everydayjill in 03:04:32 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

So so over the bird flu- stomach version 2.0. Kids didn’t ever get it, so I must have seriously eaten like a bag of gluten without thinking about it… Anyhoo, back to solid foods, gluten free solid foods, of course.

Dropped my handy dandy cell phone in G’s honey nut cheerios this morning. First day that she actually doesn’t slurp every last drop of her milk up and definitely the first day that she actually puts her bowl in the sink, and what do I do? I drop the stinking phone directly in the full bowl of milk. Fished it out faster than fast and tried to dry it out but suffice to say, it did not go gently into that goodnight. Fast and furious DIED- while I was thinking about the phone calls I needed to make- reservations for N’s big birthday dinner, dentist appointments, eye appointments, school phone calls, work calls, ear nose and throat appointments, pharmacy re-fills- crap crap crap. Made the mistake of saying that I can’t live without a phone during the day, which N overheard. He said “Mom, of COURSE you can live without a phone- look at me. I am fine and I don’t have a phone!” Touche’ , my boy, touche’.

I tried to explain that I was exaggarating, but that I had a bunch of appointments to make, and he said, “Well do it like they did in the olden days- go to the places.”  Bit my tongue to avoid arguing about the fact that they didn’t call their ear nose and throat docs for allergy meds in the old days, they just bucked up and suffered. Nor did they go to the dentist to discover mouthpieces for precocious little boys with misaligned teeth, they just figgered he was lucky to have teeth…

So we spent the morning at his end of school picnic, which was the cutest thing EVER. Left with full tummies, bug nets, gliders, sticky shoes (don’t ask), and a bug catcher with a ginormous stink bug in it. Yep, big ol’ stink bug in my car. They actually have a name- June Elder bugs. He hung out with us for a while- went into the TMobile store with us, which was fun. I think the guy was so glad that I didn’t hand him a phone that had fallen into a toilet that the ginormous stink bug paled in comparison. Then Mr. Stinky shopped for a few textbooks, paid a little tuition, and hung out in the student center before we let him go by a lilac bush on campus. Now if that is not an exciting day for both a five-year-old and a June elder bug, I do not know what is.

Posted by everydayjill in 04:09:50 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Bird Flu

i had a roommate in Austin who owned a medical dictionary of diseases. Sniffles? Probably a tumor in your sinuses. Cough? Never mind that it’s the height of spring allergy season- probably a rare form of terminal cancer. Constipated? Probably a life-threatening twist in your intestines, bound to rupture at any moment.
I haven’t spoken to her in years, but I still tend to veer to hysteria with any medical malaise. Gastrointestinal distress? I can go down two paths- the Winnie the Pooh “I have a rumbly in my tumbly” path or the “OMIGAWD, I have a rare stomach disease that feels like I am about to have an alien erupt from my abdomen.”
Let’s just say I won’t be eating any solid foods for a few days- sprite, weak tea and decade old pedialyte pops will do nicely, thank you very much. I wonder if Bird Flu causes rumbly tumblies…

Posted by everydayjill in 03:05:16 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Saturday, May 17, 2008

We had to break something eventually…

When my boy decides to do something, he goes BIG. He may sit on the sidelines for a while, but when N is ready he races ahead of the pack. Take breaking a limb for instance…
Monday afternoon, two or three minutes into a field trip to his future school, his teacher pushes him on the zipline. Makes it across the line, but he apparently decides to fall off instead of hang on at the end. Falls off directly onto his elbow in what must be a freakish position. Long story short, N and I stay up the ENTIRE evening with him in a homemade-ish sling and in agony. He whimpers and moans and cries the entire night, and I start whimpering and crying the next morning- it was like being up with a newborn baby without the feel good hormones or new mommy high. We go to the orthopedic surgeon Tuesday morning and sit across from ANOTHER N who is also bound up in a homemade-ish sling because of his fall from a zipline. Hmmm- these playground pieces are starting to look a little ominous to me…
The ortho (don’t I sound like I am getting the lingo?!?) tsk-tsks the x-rays, which is not good. She talks about pins, external pins, eight weeks, being ‘fairly’ certain it is not the growth plate. Mommy brain hears pinspinspins- external pins sticking out of my poor baby’s broken body, growth plate- will he have this same length of arm when he’s forty because of a flippin’ ZIP LINE? Then she says we will schedule the surgery (again, mommy brain goes bonkers with that word) for Friday. Screeching halt- It is Tuesday and that is SEVENTY-TWO hours from this appointment. At that point, I must’ve laughed a desperate laugh, because she asks about his pain management. Ummmm- not being managed, and noit looking hot for the seventy-two hours to go. We leave the office with a prescription for the kiddie version of valium or percocet, and manage to survive the seventy-two hours on a steady diet of it, motrin, rootbeer, movies, computer time, ice cream for dinner, and any other rule that can possibly be broken being broken.
Fast forward, and little stinker is resting comfortably with a cool camo cast up to his armpit, watching Scooby Doo, and coming down from his four-day fast from rules and real life. No more mint chocolate chip suppers, no more movies during the school-day, no more sleeping sideways in mommy’s bed with mommy squooshed on the edge- back to reality, babycakes!  Except for the camo thing which prevents you from summer fun for a few weeks. Hmmm- to be blogged further…
Posted by everydayjill in 03:23:00 | Permalink | Comments (1) »